Holidays are Coming!

It's been a while since I posted.  We have been busy here and at home.  My husband and his brother decided that it was time to settle their mother's estate.  I haven't had to do that before and didn't know how much work was involved!  My mother had her 80th birthday, and there were things to do at the house our kids live in.  We are also trying to get our house ready to put on the market.  Soooo....I haven't had much time to think about being alone!

Sorting my mother-in-laws house was a lot of work and very interesting.  The things that we chose to keep tell a story about our lives.  My in-laws were married a little over 50 years and in all that time, I don't think they threw away anything!  They were of the generation that survived the Great Depression and were sure they could find a use for anything they had, even if it was broken.  (Perhaps we should adopt the same attitude seeing how our economy is right now)  They lived in a time when letters were the main methods of keeping in contact.  We found many letters from family and friends from years gone by and from recent times too.  A handwritten letter is so wonderful to read.  The person writing it has to take time from their day, think about what to say, and write it all down in their own handwritting.  Then you have to put it in the mail, wait for it to get to the recepient, and then wait for a reply.    Old letters hold such fascinating threads of people's lives and the letters my mother-in-law's stash are no exception.  I have set up a blog to share these letters with the family and a few pictures that we need help in identifying.  The url is http://www.nansfamilytreasures.blogspot.com/. 

One of my sisters reminded me a few months ago that it was our mother's 80th birthday this year.  Now I don't sit down to figure out how old everyone is, so this was a shock to me.  My mother does not look like she is 80 years old.  Nor does she act like she is 80!  She still works part time for a local lawyer.  They had a very nice reception for her and many of her family,friends and collegues came to wish her a happy birthday.  It was great to see so many people that I haven't seen since I was much younger.  It was also great to visit with family that I don't get to see very often and meet the ones I hadn't met yet.

The holidays are fast approaching.  Thanksgiving is almost here, and Christmas is around the corner.  I can't wait to spend some time with the kids.  I want to make this a special Christmas for us all.  No busy going here and there, just time with each other catching up.  I have some new ideas for decorating outdoors as a surprise for them.  If it all works out, I will put some pictures here. 

We are trying to finish all the painting and last minute details so we can get our house on the market in Jan.  I am so ready to move closer to my family.  Since we have been going back home so much lately, I have seen all the 'babies' of the family.  I so hate being so far away that I can't get to know all the kids of the family.  I would like to be close enough to go see them whenever I want.  I also would like to be in driving distance of my kids.  I want to talk to them more often than they want to talk to me.  They are at a stage that it isn't cool to tell Mom too much, she might not like what they are doing!  Well, hopefully it won't take too long to sell.

Quiet...Shhhh

Well, I am several weeks into my "empty nest" and maybe, just maybe, I am getting used to the quiet!  I haven't had as much time on my hands as I thought I would have.  My husband is home more often, so I am only by myself a portion of the week...not too bad.  I also volunteer at my church, so that takes time.  I have been visiting my children pretty often and that uses more time.  We are in the middle of renovating our home and much of what is left to be done is going to be up to me. 

The biggest problem with all that quiet is that I finally have time to think.  Now I know that seems like an odd statement, but let me explain.  Part of my day is spent on the phone with my children, which I dearly love.  I get to hear about their joys, triumphs, and positive experiences...a great way to still feel needed.  I also get to hear about the problems, fears, and anxiety of growing and spreading their wings...again I feel needed.  The problem comes when I start thinking about the people in my children's lives that cause them to doubt themselves.  I want so desperately to rush in and "fix" the problems so it is smooth sailing for them.  But...I know that wouldn't allow them to grow and spread their wings.  I get angry with those that treat them badly, or hurt their feelings.  I can imagine the "momma bear" in me coming out!  I want to protect them like I did when they were small and lash out at those that treat them unfairly.  But that won't help them, only make me feel better.  If they are to be able to handle all that life throws at them, they have to deal with these problems themselves.  I pray that they will rest on their faith in God to lead them through their trials and I can step back and allow God to work in and through them. 

I thought that I would be able to start a business like I have dreamed of for years, but the economy and a few other surprises have put that on hold for now.  So I am spending a little time learning new software that I have gotten recently.  I will work on the house, but I have to have a little time for "play".  There are so many things I want to learn and do!  I guess I have the rest of my life to try them all, but I can't wait.  I want to do it all right now. lol  For now, I will continue to enjoy my quiet!

Week 1

Well, it is the beginning of week 1 of the "empty nest".  I thought it would be a slow, empty day, but the farrier called last night to say that it was time to trim the horses hooves.  Now, John is usually here to help bring the horses out of the pasture and put halters on them before the farrier gets here.  But today I had the pleasure of doing this all by myself.  Getting the horses to the barn is the easy part...just rattle a feed bucket and they come running!  We have 9 horses and most of them are pretty easy to halter.  There is usually someone that balks at being haltered and today was no exception.  It was so hot, most of them didn't mind standing in the shade waiting their turn to have their "nails" done.  And then there was Kia.  She usually doesn't mind being petted and pampered, but today she wasn't having anything to do with it. We left her till the end hoping she would settle down, but decided it was to hot to chase her and make her stand.  We probably shouldn't have let her go, but it was so hot and we had been out there for a long time. 

I don't have a problem staying home by myself, but I do not like the windows to be uncovered at night.  I guess it is from my imagination as a child, but I really don't like to see the darkness outside.  I had bought blinds for my very large living room windows and we put them up Saturday.  That makes me feel cozy and unseen.  I think I am going to like this time to myself when I get used to all the quiet!  I don't have to cook if I don't want to, I can watch anything I want on tv, and I can go to bed when I want not when time dictates.  One of my sisters sent me an email today about all my free time.  I really appreciated that and since she has been through it there were some good tips for getting used to being alone.

I was worried that my kids wouldn't need me anymore, but that hasn't proved to be true.  I am on the phone or messaging them many times a day and that is a good thing.  Maybe they never really outgrow the need for Mom no matter how old or grown-up they get!

E-Day is fast approaching!

Wow!  Two weeks to go before I am officially an "empty nester".   I am getting more used to the idea, but it still shakes me to the core.  I think you will be seeing a lot more of my posts since there won't be anyone to talk with during the day. 

I am still looking for something worthwhile to fill my time, but I have thought of a few things to check out.  I have had the idea to start a children's clothing line since my children were young and I had a hard time finding the type of clothing I wanted for them to wear.  There is a lot of research that I have to do before I decide if that is the direction I want to go and if its a feasible business.  I also have considered going back to school to study some of the things I would like to know more about, such as learning sign language.  I am a breeder of dachshunds, so I will definitely be studying genetics and mechanics of my breed.  I will have time now to go to more dog shows and maybe get involved in Earth dog or agility.  I love to sew just for fun, so now I will have time to make all those ideas that have rattled around in my head for years!  I am interested in learning how to make jewelry, in quilting, in painting again, playing the piano more, and reading more.  Most importantly, I will have time to really study my Bible and hopefully get involved in some Bible study groups.

There are so many things to do, but I want to also spend time with my husband.  With his job and my responsibilities as a mom, there has been too much time apart.  I want to spend all the time we have missed seeing and doing those things we have dreamed of doing.

We are also trying to decide where we will retire.  We have moved so many times in our married life, that I want to find a place and put down roots.  Hopefully I will get to finally build a house!  Part of me wants to go back to the familiar places and people, but I really want to be sure that is the direction God wants us to go.  I also want to be sure I am using my time in a way the honors God and furthers His kingdom.  So many new and exciting days are ahead for this family and I can't wait to see what is in store for us!   Stay tuned.....

Independence Day

Whew!  I have just gotten home from an 11 hour trip and can't seem to settle down enough to go to bed.  I suppose I slept too much in the car.

This has been a wonderful, exhausting, fun weekend and I hate that it is over.  My oldest daughter starts Vet school tomorrow.  I wondered many times if that would ever come to be, but it has.  We went to see her "coating" ceremony last week.  The school she is going to gives them a colored lab coat with their names on it when they enter their Freshman year.  She will get her white coat when she finishes her course work.  While I was watching the students being called up to receive their coats, I finally realized that her dream of many years will come true.  She has reminded me that she has to pass all her classes, but I know with her determination and our prayers, it will be a reality in four years.  I was holding my great neice during the ceremony and couldn't help thinking about the short (at least in my mind) time ago that my daughter was that small.  When our children are young, we think the time will never pass.  When they are grown, we wonder why we wanted the time to pass at all.  There never seems to be enough time to say and do all we want with our children.  I suppose every mother feels the same way.  We just hope we said enough and loved enough to give our children the foundation they needed.

The rest of the weekend was spent working on the house our children live in.  It is such a joy to work on that house, because it is ours and we are fixing it for our pleasure.  We always "fix" the houses we live in but not until we are ready to sell it.  I never get to enjoy all the hard work!  We put a fence up around the back yard for the dogs that they have living with them.  I wanted to make it easier for them to take care of their dogs and for an outside area that the dogs could enjoy.   We also did some repairs and updates inside.  I was helping my daughters set their room up since they will be sharing a room this year.  They have asked two of their friends to live with them so that leaves my girls being roomates again!  It has been many years since they have shared a room-it will be interesting to see how this plays out.  I hope to go back sometime this summer and work in the flower beds and yard trimming trees. 

My son will be going to the same school as the girls are, but he will be living in the dorm.  I am so glad they will be together.  When you are having a tough time, it is always good to have family close by. The girls love to tell him what to do!!!  He loves it too, but has to act as though he hates it.  He got to meet some people this weekend and that has helped eased a little of the apprehension of leaving home.  At least he knows meeting people isn't all that hard if you just be yourself.

So very much to be grateful for this Independence day.  I live in a country that I am free to go where I please and do as I please.  I can also raise my children as I please.  All this freedom has come at a price that is paid by many willing to give their time, energy, and sometime even their lives so we all could live in peace.  We owe a debt of grattitude that can never be repaid to these men and women in our armed services.  The very least we can do is to never forget what they have done. 

Not a lot to say tonight, just a few reflections of the weekend. So good night, or rather good morning~

Summer Time!

So many things have happened since I last posted.  My son graduated from high school, my younger daughter came home to work for the summer, and my oldest daughter is preparing to finish her masters and begin Vet school.  My husband has settled into his new assignment at work and I have been working on our house remodel.

My son is the last of my children to finish high school.  We have homeschooled them all through 12th grade, so that means that I am no longer a teacher;  I have retired!  It is a bitter-sweet place in my life.  For the past 16 years, I have been a teacher in addition to being a wife and mom.  My oldest daughter went to a public school for the first 4 years.  My youngest two have always been at home with me.  I always knew I would miss them terribly when they went to college, but I never dreamed it would be so hard.  I have written before about learning to let them go, so I won't dwell on that now.  The sweet part is that I get to pick up all those things that I gladly put aside when they were younger and I get to explore new uses of my time and talents.  There are so many good things to do with my time, I just want to be sure I find the best thing to fill my days.  For the next few years, my husband will be working away from home and I don't want to waste my time doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself.  There is too much life to be lived!

My son feels that he has been called into foreign missions, especially China, so he has changed his major and his college.  He will hopefully be attending the same university that my daughters are attending.  I am happy to see him passionate for a direction in his life.  He seemed unsettled with the choice he had made before, just doing it because he couldn't find anything else.  Now the light in his eyes when he talks about all he wants to accomplish tells me he has made the right choice.  I am also happy that all my children will be in the same town.  They are close and depend on each other more than they would like to admit.

It is great to have my younger daughter home for the summer.  She has one more year in college and is still trying to define the exact path she wants to take after college.  With her major, she can go in so many directions.  I hope for her this summer will be a time of rest and reflection and that it will help her 'get her bearings', as they say.  It is always great to spend time with her.  When we get a chance to talk, it is always a joy to hear how she has thought things through.  I do think, though, that she analysis every thought to death!

My oldest daughter is very much like her daddy, a work-aholic!  She is trying to finish her masters before she begins vet school in July.  I am so proud of the way she has stuck to her studies and perservered when things got tough.  It took her a while to realize just what she wanted to do with her life, but when she did, she went full steam ahead.  I guess "full steam ahead" pretty well sums up her drive and ability to get things done.

I will miss them being with me all the time ~ selfish, I know. But I am, oh, so proud of each of them.  They all have a love of God and others, and work to make their world a better place.  No mother could ask more than to see her children grow into loving, caring adults!

Change

You cannot stay where you are and go with God ~ Henry Blackaby

I am a person who likes her feet firmly planted on the ground.  I do not like change.  I like life when it is predictable, safe, and comfortable.  But...that isn't what life is about.  There is one constant in life and that is change. 

I desire with my whole heart to follow God wherever he is working.  That means that I have to embrace change.  Scary, at least for me.  This week has been a week of revelation for me that God is working in my family.  I need to embrace the change that is happening if I want to keep up with where God is going.  For the past 25 years, my children have been my main focus.  Everything I have done has been geared to them and my responsibility to rear them in a Godly home.  Events have occured that have shown me that I no longer am needed in the role that I have traditionally held as mom with the direction and answers they have always looked to me for.  My role is changing into an advisor, a person to bounce ideas off, and a prayer warrior for my children.  They are moving into their own directions and making decisions that they believe that God is directing them.  As scary as it is for them, I am terrified.  I think it scares me because it is change and I don't know what the outcome will be.  Some are changing their goals and dreams in life and I hope they won't regret it later.  I believe that God gives us our dreams to give us purpose, direction, and joy in life.  Others are still searching for their niche in life.  They all are learning that you can only count on God for love and support.  Your family is always there, but even they can let you down at times. 

This is a hard transition for us all.  My children have moved into young adulthood.  My husband and I are exploring where we go in life when we retire.  We are all looking to God to show us where we are to serve in our new roles.  Some things will change, and some will stay the same.  I pray that we will continue to be the close-knit family we have always been as we all follow our paths into the future.  We will have a week at the beach soon and it will be, hopefully, a time for us to come together and reunite our lives and hearts before we set off in our different directions. 

Waiting...again!

It seems in our life we spend a lot of time waiting.  We wait in doctor's offices, for children to finish a lesson or practice for a sport, to hear news from a loved one, or even sitting in traffic.  Our life seems to be spent waiting to see where my husband will be working.  His job involves a lot of travel to many different places in the United States and sometimes in other countries.  Sometimes the stress of all the waiting can get overwhelming.

This week the waiting, at least for the job, is over.  He got the "official" phone call yesterday about where his next assignment will be.  The relief on his face was immediate.  His mood lifted, and yes, he even had a skip in his step!  In this economy, so many are facing layoffs and the stress this puts on you is unbelievable.  We had thought he would get a new assignment, but so many he knew were not getting new position. Now the new problem is how to shift from the pay scale he was getting for his other assignment down to the pay scale he will get for this assignment.  I know God will see us though, and we will find ways to cut back.

Another thing we have been waiting for is to find out if my son has been accepted to the college of his choice.  Once again, God has seen us though the stresses of waiting and he got his "official" phone call!  He was very excited~not the jump up and down excited, but the quiet smile that never left his face kind of excited.  Now to find a way to pay for that college and to make it through the audition for the music school!  I think God will see us through that, also.

We are going to spend Easter with our girls!  I love going there because I get to see my girls, but I love the place they live in.  It isn't a fancy place, but the most down to earth place I have been.  Where I live currently, there is so much pretending and posing.  I prefer people to just be themselves, warts and all as the saying goes.  On our way there, we will stop at my neices home to see her new baby girl.  I can't believe that she has a baby, surely she isn't old enough to even be married, right?  Time has a way of passing so quickly!  I have only seen pictures of the baby, but she is so pretty.  I just can't wait to hold her.  I really miss not being able to get to know the newest members of the family, like I did when I lived closer.

So much in life is unpredictable.  Each step we take could land us in several different places.  If we knew exactly where life was taking us and how it would all play out, I think we wouldn't get any joy out of living.  It would be boring and uninteresting.  Maybe that is why God doesn't allow us to see too far into our future.  Maybe what is so exciting about life is the unpredictability!  It can be hard, but it can be also so rewarding.  Maybe all the waiting is good for us.  Could it be designed so that we anticipate the wonderful, rewarding, and growing joys and disappointments that God has for us just to keep life interesting for us?  Maybe!

Ups and downs of life

This was written in September 2009 and I am just getting around to posting it.  I decided that I would publish the posts that I had written so you could understand the events of our lives.

The last month has been quite a rollercoaster ride of emotions!  My husband has been on an assignment for work the last few years that has taken him to all points on the globe.  That means that I haven't seen him very often and when I did, it was for short periods of time.  Well. he came home a month ago in order to prepare for knee surgery on an old injury.  I knew that his "re-entry" into the family would take some time, it always does.  He has been living by himself with no one to answer to and I have been at home managing business, children, house, ranch, and life in general.  My feeling at first was total happiness.  No longer would I have to make decisions by myself.  I would have someone to take part of the burden of every day living.  But it became evident that he didn't know where to step in or where he should leave things to me, so he just didn't make any decisions at all.  It has been very frustrating working out the details of living together again after being married for so long.  We thought we had set a pattern a very long time ago!