I am so angry and hurt right now I can't sleep. I have prayed more in the last few weeks than I ever have in my life, I think. I drove 12 hours to see my child only to find her not here. I wanted so desperately to see her tonight and to talk with her about an important event in her life tomorrow. It hurts so much to know that you are not wanted. The excuse for not being here was flimsy at best. I can't seem to control my anger. I don't know what to do.
I spent several hours as I was driving just talking to God about the situation we have found ourselves in. I have been over in my mind so many times what did I do wrong? was this rebellion in her heart all the years of her growing up and I just didn't see it? did she ever have a relationship with God? what could have prevented this? I could list a thousand things that I think happened, but it really comes down to the fact that she doesn't want a relationship with God or her parents. I suppose we are too old-fashioned and God has too many rules.
Part of me wants to "turn her over to a reprobate mind", and part of me wants to hug her so hard she will never let go. Her father and I have some very hard decisions to make. We can't condone her behavior, nor can we enable her to continue in it. We will be held accountable to God for how we handle this situation and she will be accountable to God for her actions. This will be one of the hardest weekends we have ever been through. I pray we all make the right decisions.
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