It has been a long time since my last post. Much has happened in my life, so much that I needed to retreat and sort things out. I have been worried about putting my thoughts down for all to see; afraid that I would not be understood, that I might make someone mad, or that I couldn't put my thoughts in any sensible order. Well, I still may not be able to, but I am going to try.
Last year began with a blow to my family that we are still reeling from. Because of the decisions of one member, we have become a disjointed family...not the loving and caring family we once were. Maybe I am the catalyst that began the destruction, maybe not, but it feels as though the mother is the one to keep everyone in a tight circle and I haven't done that. I feel lost and directionless, but not hopeless. Today is the day we celebrate the Risen Saviour and that gives me great hope. Hope that all that was taught and lived before my children will come back to their hearts and they will surrender their lives to their Saviour. My prayer for them is to find the only satisfaction in this life is to follow the teachings of Jesus, no matter how hard it is or what road it takes them down. I thought I had prepared them for a life of loving and living for Jesus. They claimed they lived with Christ in their hearts, but their lives don't bear that out. Their actions, speech, and lifestyles are in complete opposition to the teachings of the Bible and they wonder why so many things are going wrong in their lives. I came to depend on my relationship with Jesus very early in life. I never wanted my children to go through the pain and disillusionment that I went through growing up. But those very heartaches are what made me stand strong in Christ no matter what came my way. The only and best thing I can do is to pray that Jesus will pull them back to him and a right relationship with Him. He is the only one who will love and stand by you through it all.
Last year continued with two deaths in my family, my father and my uncle, who died within a few months of each other. How odd it feels to be the "older" generation. My mother died when I was little, and both my grandparents (who were as close as parents) are gone. Death is a natural part of life even though it is hard to deal with when it happens to your loved ones. So now my brothers and sisters will be the next generation of "old folks" to the younger ones in the family. Oh my, how the family is growing! We have added 6 new babies in the past 4 years! Deaths and births are part of it all, the pain and the joy of families.
Last year was the year of health issues for my husband and I. We have had to come to terms with the fact that we won't be around forever! My husband had a severe reaction to some medication and came very close to being the third death in the family. It is chilling to think about how close I came to being a widow. It made us realize that life is short and to cherish every moment we have like it was the last. We aren't promised more than this breath we are breathing. I have recently learned that I have had a stroke sometime in the last few years. Thanks to my Lord, it didn't leave me with any permanent damage, but it underscored just how quickly life can change. I have migraines and they increase your risk of stroke. I had no idea migraines could cause strokes, but apparently they do. There isn't much you can do to prevent a recurring stroke, especially if you don't have the risk factors that generally cause strokes. My grandfather died from a stroke, which increases my chances of having another one. I have many things I have put off doing in life that I would like to do now that I have more time. I pray that God allows me to pursue those desires for as long as I can. When things start happening, you realize the blessings of God come in greater things than material wealth. Health, a close relationship with God, a family that loves God and each other, and the opportunity to tell others about the good news of Jesus are just about all you need in this life.
So much is happening this year that I don't think it will all fit on this post. Tomorrow is another day and another post. Go worship your Savior today, and if He isn't your Savior, He can be....just ask me!
